Friday, March 27, 2009

Feed the Fetish - The Badass Geek

I love it when the smart guy saves the day with his massive brain. It probably comes from the shows and movies I watched when I was a kid, like Square One (seriously, Mathnet alone was made of awesome) and The Phantom Tollbooth (with the help of Tock, Milo thinks his way out Doldrums and many other situations).

One of my all time favorites, though, is when Peter Dickinson takes a level in badass in Flight of Dragons. I'm including the scene below, but if you haven't seen the movie I wouldn't click on it since it's a major spoiler:

I think moments like the one above shaped a lot of the characters I create now. I adore a big, sexy brain. ;)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Blurb for "One Shot."

The rough draft of "One Shot" is currently stashed under my bed and shall remain there for the next few weeks. I torture my stories this way so that I can get some distance from them before I sit down to revise.

In the meantime, here's a blurb for the story, originally posted on my newsletter ( on March 15th:

Nick Carlyle understands the intricacies of his job better than anyone. He lives to crunch those numbers and his skills are valued throughout the company. If his personal life might be lacking, he doesn't notice, especially whenever he steals a harmless glance or two at Riley Jameson's tight body.

When a universal flu shot is developed, it's hailed as a miracle, and rightly so. But the seemingly harmless side-effects begin to change the world, warping the statistics that Nick's always used to guide him through life.

No one changes as much as Riley. Suddenly the young man is bigger, stronger. He's also aggressive in ways Nick isn't prepared for, and for the first time analyzing the numbers does nothing to help the situation.

And if numbers can't help him, what can?

The blurb's also rough but... Do ya like it? :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Feed the Fetish - Wings

I'm a sucker for wings. It's a cruel little fetish because I've yet to meet anyone who actually has them. So I settle for art, and there are some great images out there:

Luzbel by ~Varges on deviantART

3-29-09 Note: The piece of art I'd originally embedded was no longer available for embedding, so I switched it up to another picture I love.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Feed the Fetish - Muscle Growth

I thought it would be fun to have a weekly segment called Feed the Fetish Friday. So every Friday, I'll post a video, picture, or story that makes whatever fetish I'm feeling that week happy. These works will not have been created by me--it's a celebration of other artists that inspire or touch me in some way.

This week it's all about the muscle (big surprise) and in case anyone out there was wondering why I love writing about muscle growth so much, check out this picture on Albron's blog:

Mmm, yeah. One of my favorite images, and even though it's not strictly muscle growth, having a good looking smaller guy into a much bigger guy definitely feeds what I like about that particular fetish. :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

"One Shot" rough draft is finished!

I just finished the rough draft of "One Shot," a muscle growth office romance story. It's still got a lot of work ahead for it (ah, revisions), and I have to write a snazzy blurb, but I'm wicked happy right now. :)

Happy Dance.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

New Digs

Welcome to my blog. I moved here from MySpace because the interface there was getting unruly, and I like the fact that on Blogger you can post a comment without actually being a member. I transferred most of my posts from MySpace below, and I'll still be posting to both places (at least for a while), but this is my new home.

Hope you like it. :)

Art of the 3am Conversation

Most of the best conversations I’ve had in my life happened at two or three in the morning, usually over coffee or pancakes. I think most people discover this phenomenon during a sleepover, or a camping trip. It tends to hit the next level in college, especially during midterms or finals when you’re studying with your friends and suddenly someone glances up and says something along the lines of:

“Hey, where does that phrase ‘cool beans’ come from, anyway? In what situation are cold beans considered a good thing?”

Thus signaling break time and a rather detailed discussion on the subject. Sometimes it’s not in depth at all. Sometimes it’s thirty seconds of random.

But it’s so much fun, and in my life, some mystical concurrence of forces arranges it to almost always happen between two and three a.m.

I had one of these conversations with a friend of mine shortly after the Oscars aired, and I’m posting it below. I shortened the IM names to protect the innocent, but I’m “R.” (The wicked need no protection)

R: i want to die right now and come back as hugh jackman in this outfit:
j: mmm
j: plus he’s really tall too
j: you know how that gets me
R: lol
R: i'd be such a slut. i wouldn't be able to help myself
R: i think god made me funny looking to save my soul
R: lol
j: hahaha

I can’t say why I decided to share that, or relate it to my writing style in any way. It’s just that it’s currently three in the morning, and it seemed about right. ;)

It's Raining Men

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, February 9, 2009.

I'm ridiculously fond of this amv by StriderTol. It makes me laugh while at the same time totally feeding my pervy nature.

Angsty Werewolf Book Trailer

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, February 4, 2009.

Lone (my very first werewolf story!) will be available from Amber Allure in May 2009. Made a book trailer. Hope you like it.

If you'd like more information on the novel, check out my website at:

Been Nominated for a CAPA

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 31, 2009.

I've been nominated for a Cupid and Psyche Award. How cool is that? Favorite Erotic Author. Even got a cool new sticker for my website!

I liked it so much that I updated my About Me ( page just so I could display it on my site. I also finally got around to adding a "Best of Rowan's Ramblings" section, so now you can read all my best blogs neatly organized by year.

Much thanks to The Romance Studio for the nomination! I'm honored!

New Book. New Contract. New Cover.

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 15, 2009.

Finished my werewolf novel, and Amber Allure accepted it last week! It’s called Lone, and it’s got a tentative release scheduled for March. W00t!

I love Lone. I finished it ages ago, but I kept tweaking it and tweaking it. Wanted Rafe to be strong and forthright. Wanted Seth to be sweet and just a little bit psychotic (which, surprisingly, is a hard combination to pull off). In the end, I think I achieved everything I wanted, and I think it’s a pretty good story.

Today I also got my cover, and I’m digging the blue angst:

I can’t believe so much has happened and it’s only the middle of January. I hope it’s a sign of how the rest of 2009 is going to go.

If you'd like to learn more about the story, check out my website at:

I think now's a good as time to any to break in my new happy dance:

Boy Meets Bishie

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 6, 2009.

I have a brand new logo, drawn by the fabulous Anne Cain:

Rowan McBride's Boy Meets Bishie logo

You're drooling, aren't ya? Admit it. 

Blood equals Smex

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, .

I like to think most of my characters are pretty sweet. I've been told by more than one person that this just isn't true, so that probably says something about me right there.

But sometimes, gawd, I just want a hardcore blood=smex yaoi that makes my heart race.

Sadistic Seme: 1. A ridiculously hot guy who enjoys putting a little hurt on the love of his life. Said love will usually (eventually) adore him for it. 2. Teh smex.

In my anime, I always go for the sadistic seme. I don't know what the hell that is—if I ever ran into one in real life I'd either kick his ass or run the other direction, depending on his skill level and mine. But, holy crap, in anime and video games I almost always go for the most psychotic character in the series. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy), Light Yagami (Death Note), and Seishiro (Tokyo Babylon and X/1999), just to name a few.

In my own stories, I don't think I've written a genuine sadistic seme yet. Probably the closest I've come so far is Walker Cain. But while he does put a bit of a hurt on Joel, Walker is a little too erratic in his methodology. In my mind, a sadistic seme is deliberate with his actions, hence the scary/sexy vibe they give off.

My all time favorite sadistic seme would have to be Akabane Kuroudo, of GetBackers. Tall, dark, deadly. Rocks an utterly massive hat that only he could make look cool. He's polite, well-spoken, ruthless. If he doesn't like you, it's generally a quick death. If he DOES like you, then you're in a busload of trouble because he'll want to play.

I get shivers just thinking about him. There's something really wrong with me.

Wrong or not, I made an AMV (anime music video) featuring Akabane, as well as the poor shmuck he's set his eyes on. I had a lot of fun tinkering with this, as well as a heap of frustration since it was my first time playing with Adobe Premiere. But if it turns you on to a certain sadistic seme, then it was worth it. ;)

Note: I don't own the music, I don't own the anime. This is a purely fan-made video and intended for fun, not profit.

If there are problems with the above video, check it out at, but be sure to click the high quality button if you can. Hope you like the vid!

Searching the Search Phrases ’08

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 1, 2009.

This time last year I posted my favorite search phrases that managed to hit It was so much fun I thought I'd try and make it a tradition. So here are my faves of 2008 in no particular order:

  • Patrick Fillion
    Probably because I link to his site from my Links page. Man, if you don't know who he is, visit his place now.

  • anime muscle growth
    This one also gave me hits last year. Again, if you know of some, let me know.

  • muscle growth werewolf
    I'm hoping to submit my werewolf novel by the stroke of midnight tonight, but no muscle growth this time around.

  • want me rowan mcbride
    Always good to know I'm loved.

  • toolbox
    Yeah, I got nothin'.

  • yaoi animated gifs
    Who doesn't want more of those?

gravitation yuki shuichi kiss avatar yaoiboys yaoi avatar

  • work on more than one story at a time
    Hey! I do that! Which is, ah, why it takes me so long to finish anything, so I hope they weren't looking for advice.

  • myfirstchesthair
    This was one from last year too! Why are there so many people Googling this?!

  • lousy chest hair
    I actually felt bad—no one should be cursed with such a thing.

  • locked collar around his neck
    I thought this one was hot, and starting plotting out a story featuring the imagery. Then I remembered that, riiiight, *Kian* spent the prologue of Paul's Dream with a collar around his neck. Still, doesn't mean I can't write more, right?

So those are my faves. I'm hoping they get even weirder in 2009. One of many things I'm very much looking forward to.

Everyone, have a Happy New Year.

Note: Originally many of the links in this blog led to MySpace, and have since been changed to make them easier to access from this portal.

Note to someone who might be my sixteen year old self

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, November 18, 2008.

Looking back, there's one thing I wish someone had told me when I was a kid. It would have made my life so much easier:

"You don't have to choose."

Growing up, I was taught that boys were boys and girls were girls. Not fitting into either category was just asking for trouble, especially once I hit high school. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and I always felt like an outsider. Which, really, is par for the course in high school, so I don't remember it as a particularly bad experience.

I don't think I was ever myself in high school, though. My focus was on being the perfect kid, so I was always on the honor roll (except for senior year, because I skipped a lot of school to go to the beach), I was almost never in trouble (almost never got caught), and pretty much did whatever was expected of me. Outside of writing (in composition notebooks, yeah!) I didn't really care about anything, least of all myself. I sorta just let fate have its way with me, and fate did an okay job.

College gave me a little room to stretch and, god, it felt good. I had an eighteen hour course load, two jobs, was a member of almost every club on campus, volunteered, had a short stint as a chaplain, learned to dance, got my first kiss, and won a poetry contest. And it was a liberal arts college, so I could do things like take Archery the same semester I took Environmental Biology. A light went on inside of me and I went, "Holy crap! I can do everything!"

Then I went to law school and it was time to cram myself into a box again. This time it didn't go so well. The classes were law, the clubs were law, all anyone ever talked about was law. You were supposed to conduct yourself a certain way and dress accordingly. I don't remember ever being so miserable in my life, but I was determined to stick it out.

Fate saved my ass by striking me down. I was in the hospital for three weeks. A year later, I officially let my school know I was never going back.

I'm probably sharing too much here. But I wanted to give a little background on where I was coming from, because I didn't start living until the year I almost died. It was scary and confusing and it hurt like hell, but for the first time in my life I felt like I was someone real.

I've known I'm gender fluid for a long time. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, the Urban Dictionary defines it this way:

Gender Fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.

Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation.

Wikipedia also has a pretty good article on being genderqueer/gender fluid.

I cried when I first heard the term. Not only did it fit, but it meant that there were other people out there like me. It was okay that I didn't identify as a man or a woman, it was okay to be what I felt when I felt like it.

There were problems, of course. On a practical level, filling out forms is a constant headache. Not many of them let you go "unspecified" or "other," so I generally choose "male" because that's the closest that fits. On a personal level, people will tell me that I'm indecisive, that I should just go ahead and get the operation already, that I'm in denial about my sexuality, etc etc etc. The fact is, I didn't choose to be in between any more than another person chooses to be gay or straight, male or female.

And for the record, anyone who says it's easy to be in between is fucking insane. Some people get mad when you don't identify as one or the other. And I cringe every time I read some rant on the internet telling a genderqueer person to "Get off the fence" or starting a sentence with "They claim to be…" I get the impression that they want a Proof of Queer card or something.

There is no Proof of Queer card. As far as I know. As implied above, I'm bad with forms so maybe I missed the registration process.

It took me a quarter of a century to discover that I was, in fact, a real person. I fully believe it'll take the rest of my life to find out who I am, and that is true for a lot of (if not most) people. My world isn't binary and I'm far more complicated than is convenient. It's interesting, though. And an adventure.

So, to all the in between people out there, whether it's your gender, sexual orientation, race, or anything else—You don't have to choose. You are who you are, and you're allowed to live your life.


A friend asked me to include an FAQ on being gender fluid. I don't feel comfortable doing that, since everyone is different, but here's a quick FAQ on being Rowan:

Are you a man or a woman?

My gender flows back and forth. While I don't identify 100% as either male or female, I tend to hang out more on the male side of things.

Yeah yeah, but what's in your underwear?



Yes, why? Would knowing what I'm packing in my pants change who I am or what I write?

Now you're just trying to be mysterious. What are you hiding?

I'm not hiding anything, it's just (ahem) private. You probably wouldn't ask the boi at the flower shop if they have a penis or vagina, or if they're gay or straight (at least, I hope you wouldn't, since it's none of your business if you're just there to buy flowers).

We're not friends and you're not asking me out. If you should see me on the street (or at a convention), you'll know instantly what parts I was born with. It's been a source of dysphoria for me on and off all my life because I don't have an androgynous body. However, I'm not about to start every online conversation with, "Hey, how you doin'? I'm gender fluid and have a ___ between my legs."

My friends and family know. My online friends who become my real friends know. Now that I'm a little older, if I see I'm heading for an awkward situation, I generally nip things in the bud and let those people know.

But I'm just a writer, and not everyone needs to know.

Okay okay. But what do I call you?


C'mon, you know what I mean. Are you a he, she, or it?

Oh, god. Call me anything but "it."

When I first started to get published, I'd write the reviewers and ask if they could change the "Miss" or "Ms." to "Mr." I wasn't used to having a public online life, and I figured consistency was important. Now I let either of them go, since I figure it's at least accurate part of the time.

Personally, I like gender neutral pronouns such as "hir" for him/her and "sie" for he/she, but not many people are familiar with them. Plus there are lots of other neutral pronouns out there and no standardized system from what I can see. One of my all time favorites to be called is Mx. Rowan McBride, but it hasn't caught on yet.

I'm fine with being called "he" or "she," but I will admit that it jars me a little to hear "she."

Would you call yourself transgender?

Sometimes, but generally when people think of a transgender person they're thinking of someone who's making or planning to make a permanent transition. For that reason I prefer the term gender fluid.

So…when's your next book coming out?



Down with OTP (yeah, you know me)

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, October 16, 2008.

First, I have to apologize for the truly awful title of this particular blog. I seem to be getting worse and worse at this. :)

Second, below is a clip from a random IM conversation I had with Katrina Strauss the other day. I edited our screen names, so "R" stands for "Rowan" and "K" stands for "Katrina."

R: hey, who's your number 1 otp?
K: seph x cloud, baby.
K: opens the door for all sorts of dark, twisted, noncon lovin' lol
R: haha
R: that's def a good one
R: omg, love that scene where seph appears in Advent Children
R: it's so flirtatious
R: in a 'you might die from my lovin and i'm okay with that' sort of way...
K: lol
K: yes it's very sexy when he tells clouds it's been a while
K: it's like, a while since what? we want to know!

OTP stands for One True Pair. Nearly everyone I know has one—mine is Byakuya x Renji. The appeal of my OTP is similar to Katrina's, in that I adore that Blood=Smex hawtness. It's not cannon and it's probably very, very wrong, but I can't help it. I get thrills whenever I see them together.

The whole conversation was so much fun. Now I'm dying to know—What's your OTP?

A hot and sanctioned couple like Katou and Iwaki?

Is it a pairing that will never, ever be cannon (er, Spock/Kirk comes to mind) but is wicked fun to imagine?

From anime/manga? From movies/TV? More traditional media?

Tell me who. Tell me why. If you have more than one favorite pairing, share the love. Byakuya x Renji is my OTP, but Chris x Darien in Jet Mykles's Heaven Sent series still make my toes curl. Rock star, hot British lawyer… I didn't stand a chance. ;)

Can't wait to see your responses. I'm always curious about which characters people pair together. Every once in a while someone shares one I'd never considered before, and I'm exposed to an entirely new world of hawtness.

And, really, who couldn't use more hawtness?

Note: Many of the original MySpace links have been changed to make surfing easier on this portal.

Banned? Me? But I’m a freaking angel!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, September 17, 2008.

Who would have thought one tiny little 100x100 pixel picture could get the big red stamp from PhotoBucket?

I was updating my MySpace page with the usual once-overs—checking links to make sure they still worked (most of them did, except for two that the Space was *sure* were malicious), and refreshing the page a few times to make sure that the images that weren't loading were actually broken and not just being ornery. Three images needed replacing, so I uploaded them to PhotoBucket and coded them into my site. It worked, and I felt totally handy.

Then in the middle of the night (hardcore nightowl, yeah!) I check back to gaze upon my fully functional page. Given my color scheme, the big red image that replaced my newsletter image was pretty easy to spot:


While I don't think I've committed any of the listed prohibitions in their Terms of Use, PhotoBucket does say they can remove an image for any reason or for no reason at all. That pretty much makes them God in PhotoBucket land, and sort of a capricious one. But still, I thought my newsletter image was pretty innocent:

It's not like they're naked. Well, I think the guy behind him might actually be nude, but it's not like you can SEE that.

Sigh. I suppose the silver lining here is that *I'm* not personally banned from PhotoBucket, otherwise all my images would be big red stickers and that would be a pain in the ass to fix on the fly. Tomorrow I'll see if my creative problem solving skills (remember those? Touted by Orientation to College Life, or something?) will come in handy as far as finding a long term solution for my images.

But now I shall go to bed, because I think this is my first rant blog, and I'm sure no good can come of it. ;)

PS-- I got the newsletter image above to post in this blog because I uploaded it to my DeviantArt site tonight.  DA isn't really a hosting service, though, so I'll see need to find a permanent solution once my brain starts working again.

Trick or Treat With Me!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, September 12, 2008.

Last year, I invited friends, fans, writers, artists, and readers to trick-or-treat at my place.  It was so much fun that I'd like to make it a yearly tradition, so if you'd like to ring my bell, I'm listing the rules (pretty much identical to 2007) below.

As with last year, I'll be having a Halloween party on my site beginning October 1st.  Right now, the home page features my introduction, and a random piece of art every time you visit. On October 1st, the decorations go up, and I'd really like you to ring my bell and show me your costumes. If you do, they'll go in that spot where my cover art usually resides.

Also, this year there will be a separate Halloween gallery (I was going to call it "Gallery of Ghouls" but that just seemed so morbid).  This way, you can see all the pics at once without having to refresh the page over and over.

There are lots of ways to ring my bell:

If you're comfortable—or if you have a really great mask—send me a picture of yourself in costume or (mmm) cosplay.

If you're a writer, send me a "scary-fied" version of one of your book covers. An easy way to do this is to wash the image in red. For example, my uber kawaii and heart touching True cover would have a transformation like this:

But if you've got other ideas, run with them. I'm aching to see how creative you can be. Animations work for me, but please make those files .gif and keep the size of them under 500kb's.

If you're an artist... hell, you can do just about anything as long as it's Halloween themed. Dress up a favorite character in another favorite character's clothing, or create a new image just for the occasion. Personally, I'd like to see one of my own characters in costume, but what writer doesn't adore having someone do fan art for them?

Ohhh, and plushies.  Would love to see some plush madness.  I have a Gaara that loves to cosplay.

The nitty gritty:

The image has to be in .jpg, .gif, or .png format. It has to be at least 500 pixels high and no more than 400 pixels wide.

If you want, print a message on the picture. It can say Happy Halloween, Trick-or-Treat, your website address, your tag, etc. Just don't, you know, swear at me.  If you'd like me to print your name on the picture, let me know what you'd like to be called and exactly how you want me to spell it.

No nudity.

The picture must belong to you. If it's a book cover, it has to be your book cover. If it's a person in costume, it has to be you in the costume. I'm giving a little leeway with the fan art and whatnot because it's Halloween and it's all about the cosplay, but no ripping off someone else's stuff and saying it's yours.

To enter:

Just email the image to with "Trick-or-Treat!" in the subject. The pictures will start going up October 1st, and I'll keep accepting them right up until Halloween. Remember, it's my prerogative whether to put your image on my site, so don't be offended if I feel it's inappropriate for reasons not listed above.

Have fun!

The Big List of Oh-So-Wrong.

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, August 25, 2008.

OnyxFaith (Libra Illustrations) and I have put together a blog with the intent of compiling all the things that have scarred us on the internet over the years.  It's meant to be some good clean (okay, probably not so clean) entertainment, with videos, images, and links to articles.  As of now, there are no set criteria for what we put up--it's pretty much just us having goofy caffeine soaked fun.

You can find the Big List at:  Hope you have as good a time as we do with it, and if you feel the need to comment or contribute, please feel free.

Aww Yeah! I’m a Bestselling Author!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, August 10, 2008.

Guess who hit the number 2 spot on Amber Allure's July best sellers list?


I Came Home to Such Cool Stuff!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, July 29, 2008.

So I'm back from a vacation I neglected to announce I was leaving for. Although I'd known I was going to Florida for quite some time, the trip still took me by surprise. I had an e-loop chat July 4th, the release of Warm Rush: Chasing Winter on July 6th, then my plane taking off the morning of July 9th. I ended up making a whirlwind attempt at promotion right up until the 8th, at which point I sat down and tried to figure out how I would transport my Giant Pocky on the plane without smashing it to pieces.

Pocky arrived safely. Vacation rocked. I watched a busload of anime and managed to squeeze in a mini Tetris tournament. I also met a lot of new friends and got to know a good friend even better. When I look back on the past two weeks, it still seems like one massive, blurry day, which I suppose is proof of a great time.

Now I'm home, still catching up on emails (if you've written me and I haven't responded, that's most likely why). Settling back into my life is bringing a smile to my face. A lot of good stuff happened while I was gone. A fan floored me by gifting me with a three month subscription to DeviantArt. Chasing Winter has been released in print, and it's received a 4/5 star review from Rainbow Reviews.

The best thing is that I'm itching to write. I'd been a little burned out for, oh, a couple months at least. But now I'm wanting to get back to my alien sex slaves, my smart mouthed wizards, my Shadow Guards, my comic book geeks. The list goes on and on, and I'm raring to go. :)

Let's see if I can finish a new story by the end of the year, yeah?

Get the print version of Warm Rush: Chasing Winter here.

Read my new review for the story at Rainbow Reviews.

Oh! I sorta forgot I had a Warm Rush store. I hadn't known that CafĂ© Press jacked up the prices on my stuff, so I knocked a few dollars off each item to make them easier to pick up. It's a lot of fun—you can get the t-shirts featured in the stories! So if you'd like the browse to Warm Rush online store, go to:

Everyone have a great week!

Alright! Let’s break a curse!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, July 5, 2008.

It's probably not a curse, but I'm paranoid like that.

I've been a published author since March 2006. I've built a pretty good backlist over the past two years—six novels/novellas/novelettes. Only three of them are available now (Paul's Dream, One Good Hand, and Want Me), and no more than three are ever available. It's a long story, but for some reason things always seem to work out that way. Every time I have a new book published, one of the older ones is kidnapped by the wings of fate, and three are available once again.

All that changes tomorrow.

Warm Rush: Chasing Winter will be released from Amber Allure on July 6th. It's poetic that this will be the one to break the curse, because this was the first novel I ever had published. I like it when things come full circle. And I loved going through the story and applying all the things I've learned in the last couple of years. You don't often get to go back in time and tinker.

Going through this story again was…wow. Being with Jesse again, watching him deal with his pain and bitterness as he slowly returns to life. It reminded me why this character, maybe more than all my others, got inside me. And Keith. Good lord, Keith fixes his mind on something and pursues it with a determination that I've always found sexy as hell. Together they push and pull, fight and love. They grow.

Okay, I know I'm being a sap. But it's a big day for me. I'm allowed, right?

So I'm asking—because I'm a sap and a little nervous—for you to post a little virtual {crosses fingers} on this blog. I would definitely feel better with just a little bit of luck flowing my way.

Warm Rush: Chasing Winter will be available July 6th from Amber Allure at:

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Faded Letter and Angsty Eyes

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, June 25, 2008.

I have a fic up at Gay Flash Fiction!  Check out Faded Letter in the new edition, along with five other authors at  Then come back here and lemme know what you think. 

Also, I've put up a new pic on my DeviantArt site.  Mori's Eyes, it's kinda neat:

My week actually got off to a somewhat rocky start, but I'm feelin' pretty chill now.

First Crush

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, June 17, 2008.

The first boy I was ever fascinated with was this strange kid my mom babysat. I don't remember a lot of details about him, other than he would fall down our stairs. Constantly. Spectacularly. I remember I'd sit in the living room and wait for him to fall (at least once a day) because I loved to watch him flip head over heels. I was kinda twisted that way. I was also in the first grade.

Now, the first boy to make my stomach flip over didn't come along until fifth grade. His initials were CR and I still think his full name was one of the coolest I've ever heard. I think this is a lot coming from someone who's spent hours coming up with just the right name for a character.

CR was not one of the cool kids, because in fifth grade 'cool' is defined by how many friends you have amassed. He was a loner. He wore a lot of black. He had dark hair and dark dark eyes.

Man, he was beautiful.

He kept to himself, but sometimes I'd sit next to him on the playground and hand him a stick of gum. He'd take it and we'd watch the other kids for a while. We didn't talk very much.

We also had an advanced math class together. Sat in the very back row which, conveniently, only had two desks. The teacher had a fish tank against the wall that had sharks swimming around inside it. Those sharks are probably why we sat there.

There was one day when I knew that I was absolutely, irrevocably in love with CR, and this is where my twisted nature from above comes into play:

We were sitting in math class, bored out of our minds. For no reason I would ever understand, CR lifted his arm, peeled a scab off his elbow, and gave it to me.

I know, I know. At the top of the list of Oh-So-Wrong things to find romantic. And the wrongness pervades me to this day—my stomach still flips over whenever I remember that moment. Looking back, I can't fathom who was more unhinged. Him for giving it to me, or me for taking it.

And, gawd, when he gave me that scab, I *know* my face lit up. He blinked at me, like he was dazed by my reaction, then he smiled back, real wicked and slow. It was the first time I'd ever seen him smile.

Seriously, no fifth grader should have that kind of power.

CR was my first real, toe curling crush. To this day I blow out a slow, measured breath whenever I think of him. This is the first time I'd ever told anyone about him, though, which got me wondering—

Who was your first crush? What was it about them that hooked you?

The Jascian’s Toy - Part 9

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, May 30, 2008.

The story's been updated.  I gotta say, even though Blake's been kidnapped to an alien world and has become someone's toy, I think he's pretty freaking amazing.  :)

You can read Part 9 right now on The Evolution Forum at  For those who are used to reading it on Nifty, it should be making its way through the mirrors fairly soon.

Hope you like it!

Book Cover! Release Date! Happy Dance!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, May 28, 2008.

Warm Rush: Chasing Winter has a super cool cover!

Click the pic to learn more about Warm Rush

I also got a release date! The ebook will be out July 6th, and the print version will be available two weeks afterward, give or take a week.

I'm uber excited. A little too excited to write a fully coherent blog about it, actually. So I'm posting a link to my Cuteness of Doom, Use For Only the Special-est of Special Occasions, Happy Dance.

Happy Dance

If you'd like to learn more about the story, check it out on my site at This is the re-release of my very first novel, so it's very near and dear to my heart. It's got muscle growth, it's got love, it's got the hottest boy-next-door in the history of boys-next-door. I'm thankful to have had a chance give it a second life.

Dude, where’s your sequel?

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, May 15, 2008.

I'm currently working on One Good Verse, the sequel to One Good Hand(gamblers, yaoi, hot hot guys. Mmm). People have asked after it (fan mail rocks!), and I finally seem to have gotten my writing mojo back, so it's truckin' along a lot faster than it was previously. Feels good. But, hmm...

I've never written a sequel before. Sure, when I start a story I usually have a whole world in mind. Sometimes I have a series arc from the get-go, and other times things develop over the course of writing the first book. Often I storyboard subsequent novels to make sure I don't forget the finer points. But with One Good Verse I realized in a quiet sort of rush that this is the first time I'd actually tried to put down a bonafide sequel.

The idea is, well, freaking daunting.

I wonder if the second book will do the first justice. I wonder if readers will like Anthony and Michael as much as they did Ace and Spade. I wonder if I've totally lost the ability to write.

Okay, I go through that third one with all my books, but still.

All this is exacerbated by this warped delusion I have that I'm a lazy bum that's unable to finish anything. Logically, I know this just isn't true. Want Me came out early this year. The re-release (and omg, overhauled) edition of Warm Rush: Chasing Winter is tentatively slated for this summer. I have several stories nearing completion.

Still, it feels good to finish things, and I'm working hard to complete One Good Verse because I think it's a sweet book with just the right amount of angst. I adore Anthony and Michael, who both seem perfect on the outside but have some pretty substantial flaws when you dig a little deeper. I hope readers find them as fascinating as I do. Of course, I won't find that out until it's done and read.

So I'd like to know—Have you ever had a crisis of faith when writing a sequel? Or, if you're not a writer, have you ever hesitated to do something a second time for fear of not living up to the first project? If so, I'd love to hear about it and how you got over the hurtle. Would definitely help me get over these insecurities, knowing others go through the same thing. Less insecurity = More writing. And I'm all about more writing.

Blood equals Smex

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, May 2, 2008.

I like to think most of my characters are pretty sweet. I've been told by more than one person that this just isn't true, so that probably says something about me right there.

But sometimes, gawd, I just want a hardcore blood=smex yaoi that makes my heart race.

Note: "Blood=smex" is a wise and ancient concept which states that if two hot guys are trying to kill each other, then of course they *must* harbor sexual feelings for each other. ExampleByakuya x Renji.

A while back I bought Best of Enemies by Cassidy Ryan, and I'd never gotten around to opening the file. I'd picked it up based on an excerpt I read at an M/M chat (lesson: e-loop chats find you all kinds of treasures), fully intent on reading it right away. Life got in the way, that didn't happen, and I didn't really think about it. Tonight, because I was aching to read something and didn't know what the hell I was craving, I opened up the file. I finished the story about, oh, five minutes ago.

Holy. Freaking. Smack.

It's only 3900 words, but damn. Hot, slightly sadistic vampire. Sexy, slightly vengeful sorcerer. Smart mouths and angry, angry sex all around. Turned out to be exactly what I needed. Since all my friends were snug in their beds by the time I read it, blogging about it was my only option. I'm still wired from my fling with Byron and Simeon, despite the fact that even now I'm not quite sure how to pronounce "Simeon." I keep trying to pronounce it "simian," which can't possibly be right. "Sime-on," maybe, although that didn't occur to me until just now. I tend to be a little slow on the uptake.

They were great. With these two characters, I never did fully understand why it was blood=smex and not blood=BLOOD, since they'd done some pretty horrible things to each other in the past. But hell, even the not knowing works for the story because the whole thing is quick, raw, riveting. They kick ass while having sex, and that part is…

Definitely a guilty pleasure.

There it is. You've probably figured out by now why I don't write reviews. When I like something, I squee and ramble, which really isn't a good combination. So here's the good stuff:

Best of Enemies
Cassidy Ryan
Torquere Press

If you've read it, or you pick it up, drop me a line and let me know what you think, okay?

Warm Rush: Chasing Winter

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, April 10, 2008.

My long-time homeless novel, Warm Rush, has been accepted by Amber Allure!  This was my very first published book, so I’m wicked excited to know it’s going to have a second life with a new publisher.  Yes!

I overhauled the story—cleaning up a slew of newbie mistakes that still make me cringe, answering a few questions that were left hanging in the first version, and even adding a new mini-scene.  With all that, it seemed appropriate that it get a brand new title:  Chasing Winter.   Warm Rush has been bumped up to series title.  How cool is that?

Yes, this means I’m planning a sequel.

No release date as of yet, but I’ll be sure to let everyone know when I get one.  For now, I’m just…basking.  I might even have a slice of apple pie to celebrate. (If you never got a chance to read the original novel, that comment will seem a lot more clever after you pick up Chasing Winter.)

I made an AMV!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, April 2, 2008.

When I went to Katsucon in February, I got to attend their AMV (Anime Music Video) awards. It was much fun, and I didn’t even know those kind of things could be *done* with AMV’s, so I found myself enthralled.

My friend, a non-anime watcher who was nevertheless uber impressed, leaned over and said, "You should make one of those!"

My response?

"Are you nuts? That’s a whole skill-set that I don’t have!"

To which she blithely replied, "But you can do anything! I believe in you!"

My friends have too much faith in me, I think. But when I got home I gave it a try. All I had was the editing software that came with my computer (Windows Movie Maker) and I didn’t really know how to use it. I dinked around, did some stuff that made me grin and realize I was having fun. I did a Gravi video that still had the subtitles attached, but I cooed over it because it was mine.

At end of last month, I made a second video, using footage from Bleach. I love Byakuya x Renji, and even though they never hook up in the anime, I paired them together because I’m twisted that way. Adored how it turned out. I’m a newbie in every way when it comes to making these things, but I wanted to share:

Why it’s dangerous for writers to have a few minutes of free time.

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, March 26, 2008.

I made deviled eggs for Easter. My first time. They turned out really well, and I was impressed with myself.

Yesterday, I took one of those deviled eggs and deep fried the sucker. When it was done (yep, ate it), I called and/or emailed all of my friends saying something along the lines of "Dude! I totally just deep fried a deviled egg!"

Responses were mixed. Two friends were royally squicked: "Ew! I HATE deviled eggs and then you went and deep fried it!" The others laughed long and hard. All of them asked the same question.


Truth is, I have no idea what possessed me to do it. I’d just finished revising (and when I say revising this time around, I mean something closer to overhauling) a novel, I took care of a myriad of random things that needed tending to, I watched some anime. Then yesterday I was getting the eggs out of the fridge, and I noticed that I still had canola oil in my wok, and it just seemed like a good plan.

What did it taste like?

Bizarre. It came out crispy on the outside like a country-fried egg, and then the inside was still that classic deviled egg softness. I’m still not sure whether I liked it or not. Eating it probably took ten years off my life.

But it was much fun and my friends and I had a good laugh over it. Now I’m totally curious—

What kinds of crazy things have you done when you’ve been bored?

Goodbye Drayner Twins (at least for now).

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, March 24, 2008.

Just when I’ve buckled down and sent Warm Rush to a new publisher in the hopes of a re-release, I got the news that another of my stories will be homeless as of April 1st.

In about a week, Just Wait will no longer be available for purchase. And given my dark and sexy anti-heroes—Mark and Travis Drayner—are twins, it’s unlikely it’ll see the light of day for a while.

Dark Eden Press, the publisher currently housing Just Wait, is closing its doors next month. Although I’m depressed about seeing it go, I also understand why it had to be done. Two of its owners have been diagnosed with serious health problems, and rather than subject DEP to a slow deterioration, they chose to close. I’m sure it was a difficult decision, and I’m sure it was the right one given the circumstances.

Bottom line, if you haven’t met my Drayner Twins yet, you have until April 1st to do so. Same goes for the other excellent stories on the site at

Health issues can throw a monkey wrench into the best situations. I’m posting Debra Durham’s letter to her authors below. We’re all definitely pulling for her.



From Debra Durham (March 24th, 2007): 


I don’t often share much personal stuff about myself or what is going on with me, so I never thought I would be coming to any of you with this but sometimes life comes at you and you have to deal with it, and this is one of those times for me.


I could beat around the bush here but that’s not me.  You deserve the truth even if it is painful for me to talk about.


I have found out recently, very recently, that my cancer has returned.  For those of you who do not know, this is my 6th time around with this in a little over 10 years.  It started as cervical cancer 10 years ago and each time has gotten worse and spread to other places.  I will be starting chemotherapy and radiation treatments shortly and as I have been through these same treatments twice already, I can honestly say it isn’t pretty.


After discussing the issues and options with Susan and Billi, and then Gretchen and Brenda, it was decided for a few reasons that I will discuss below, that the only option was to close Dark Eden as of April 1st.  I have to devote my energies and my time to getting better, and to my daughter.


One reason for closing is the treatment plan itself.  I will be in no shape to run a company, much less take care of anything else.  Another reason is with Brenda having gone back to work fulltime, that would leave just Gretchen to do it all and as great as she is, she can’t do it by herself.  Billi works fulltime and does her part of the business in the evenings and on weekends.  Susan has health problems that she didn’t have when we started this company and wouldn’t be able to do the things that I do.  It was hard enough after the house fire to keep things running smoothly and even then they were getting some help from me.  They pitched in and ran things beautifully after the fire but that was only for a few months, this would be for the next 6 months at the very least.


The last reason is all of you.  All of you deserve an owner who is going to be here, who is able to get the things done that need to be done.  I don’t want my authors trying to figure out why I haven’t answered emails for a couple of days, or why royalties are late, or wondering when the things that need to be taken care of are going to get done, when the reality is that I will be too sick to do it.


I will spend the next two weeks preparing letters to release your book rights to you, doing March royalties, and closing the readers group.  I will then begin shutting down all the DEP email addresses except for my own and forwarding all mail from that to my personal email address.  By May 1st, I would hope all payments have cleared the bank, and on that date I will also close the author group.


On a personal level, I feel horrible that this has to be done to all of you.  I have come to know almost every one of you personally and I feel as if I have let you all down when you trusted me with your stories, and I am so sorry for that.  You trusted in the fact that DEP would be around for a long while and I am truly sorry that we are not going to be.


If you have any questions or problems, please don’t hesitate to email me as I will be working to get last minute things tied up over the next several weeks.


Please feel free to post this on your blogs or websites as you see fit.  I would rather have the truth out about why we are closing, even if part of it is a personal issue, than to have DEP’s name trashed across the blog universe.  Lord knows some of those people do not have enough to do but sit around and pick their next victim.  I do not want it to be this company.


If I have not told all of you lately, it is and has been, a pleasure working with all of you gifted writers and DEP’s fantastic staff.


Debra Durham


Good twin fun!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, February 28, 2008.

Got back from my two week trip to DC yesterday. The highlight was definitely Katsucon (an anime convention), and I'm planning to write a lot more about that once I'm nice and settled, but I wanted to drop in and let everyone know I was back. I also wanted to share how much I *loved* the AMV (Anime Music Video) awards. Discovered an artist named ForeverZeroo, who created an awesome AMV featuring one of my new favorite animes--Ouran High School Host Club. Her vid "Ouran! Love!Angst!Crack!!" won in the upbeat category, and afterward I got to check out one of their other vids. It's called "Twincest" and, really, 'nuff said.

Embedding the YouTube vid below. If you're out there, FZ, thanks for helping to make my first convention absolutely fantastic. :)

Where’s Rowan?

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, February 9, 2008.

From February 12th to 26th, I'll be in Washington, DC and during some of that time, I will be wearing this hat:

Like it? Made it m'self—first time I ever tried painting fabric, so it's a bit of a mess, but I'm uber proud of it. It's based on Urahara's bucket hat, and one of the places I plan to wear it is at an anime convention called Katsucon.

I had much fun making the cap, and I thought it might also be fun to play a little Hide-and-Seek. If you'll be in the DC area during the two weeks mentioned above, and you see someone wearing this hat—

—Then walk up to that person and ask, "Are you Rowan McBride?"

If it is me, I'll flash you a big goofy grin and give you a prize ranging from an autographed 8x10 featuring one of my book covers to a brand spanking new copy of Want Me. It's been forever since I've played Hide-and-Seek, and it would be amazingly cool if someone found me. So, just to be sure, let's the flash that hat one more time:

If you know people that dig my stories, tell them it's game on. Let's play!

Want Me

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, February 4, 2008.

On sale two weeks early.

It's so new in the listings that a lot of sellers don't even have a cover on the book page yet. lol.



Joel Beckett is blessed. He's popular with the ladies, a star on the football field, and worshiped by everyone on campus.

Including Walker Cain.

Only Walker's worship has crossed the line, driving him to invoke ancient magic that binds them together in an inescapable downward spiral. Now reality is shifting, and with each new life Joel is forced to watch Walker steal away another of the blessings he'd always taken for granted.

It's never enough. Cursed blood runs hot, and with every turn of the spiral, Walker breathes the seductive words that Joel can't resist. The words that could drag them both into Hell.

Want me.

Click here to learn more and read an excerpt.

You can pick it up now from online booksellers such as:

Lambda Rising
Wheatmark Publishing
Barnes & Noble

You can also order it through your local bookstore. How cool is that!

It's my first print book. If you do pick it up and like it, I would greatly appreciate a review on If you don't like it, then please send me a personal email.

On Shoes

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 23, 2008.

I have three pairs of shoes. A pair of loafers, a pair of sneakers with Yugioh shoelaces, and a pair of boots. The loafers are blue suede. For some reason I've owned at least one pair of blue suede shoes since I was twelve years old. I'm not sure why. I do not own the song. I've had the loafers so long that the suede across the top is two different colors because of the way the cuffs of my pants fall and block the sun.

Shoes are not something I contemplate often. I never thought this would be a problem.

But it so is, because I tend not to contemplate shoes in my stories, either. As a result, I sometimes forget to remove my characters' footwear when they undress for sex. Up until this week, I'd believed I'd done a good job of catching that lapse before sending the story out to the masses. A few near misses, but all dodged bullets.

Shyeah, right.

My treasured illusion was shattered this week, when I sat down to revise Warm Rush, my first novel. Two sex scenes—two!—where I totally forgot to remove Keith's shoes. I think the whole book only has three of them, so that's what? A 66% failure rate for undressing one of my main characters? What does that say about me as a writer? Do I get to blame it on my upbringing? After all, I'm half Korean, so all my life I've kicked off my shoes at the door. Maybe subconsciously I have all my characters do that same thing, and that's why in my head they're already shoeless by the time they're falling into bed, or onto the couch, or sprawled on the carpet…

{Ahem.} The point is that I was way embarrassed.

The good news is that I've got a second chance. I'm revising Warm Rush in the hopes of seeing it published again, because it's one of my favorite stories, and it's my first book, so it makes me sad that it's out of print. I've learned a lot since then, so revising it has actually been kind of fun, and I normally think that revising sucks toes. This time around, Keith got to kick off his shoes, and Jesse got to be seduced all over again. I visited old friends and realized they're even sexier than I remembered. That's a good feeling.

I could say that this experience has changed the way I look at shoes forever, but that would be a bald-faced lie. I seriously doubt I'll think of them much more than I do now, except to double check for clothing lapses when I'm revising. I will say that I thought about shoes like crazy this week.

Which is why I figured I'd write this blog—to give them their proper respect before I forget all about them again.

Add to Technorati Favorites

W00t! "Paul’s Dream" has been nominated!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, January 2, 2008.

Paul's Dream has been nominated in the Preditors & Editors Readers' Poll!  If you've read the story and liked it, you can vote for it at at  If you've never heard of the story, you can check it out on my site (read the excerpt, buy the book, etc) and if you happen to decide you like the story before January 14th, then please vote. 

W00t!  Pretty nice way to kick off the new year, yeah?


Available at Loose Id.

Surfing the Search Phrases

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, December 31, 2007.

My website has a feature that allows me to look up the search phrases people use to find me. Not surprisingly, the most common phrase by far is "rowan mcbride." Over the past year, though, I've spotted some really interesting ones. Brand names for drugs and cars (I think that comes from the guestbook I had at the beginning of the year—it was since obliterated by a programming error when I was updating the site), other authors (I list some of my faves on my links and interests pages), as well as broad and random words like "December" or "bar" that always make me wonder how many pages the surfer read through before finding the link to my site in the search engine.

With the year coming to an end, I thought I'd share my favorites of 2007, in no particular order:

v rowan rowan rowan

· gotta love a surfer who's that excited about my name.

v footsex stories

· Yeah…I'm not even sure what footsex is.

v want me rowan

· now, logically, I know this refers to the story I wrote titled Want Me, but my ego still saw it as a three word love letter.

v anime & muscle growth

· whoever typed this one is a person after my own heart

v gay male erotic short stories I can read now

· there's a surfer who knows exactly what they want

v muscle yaoi links

· hey, if you wrote this and you found what you were looking for, drop me a line so I can see it too.

v rowan and the book shark

· I don't know what a "book shark" is, but that does sound like a pretty cool title for a story, and I'm always strapped for those.

v erotic stories about card games

· and I just released an erotic story about a card game! Yes!

v hit me beat me arousal stories

· I'm thinking that's Michael's fault. Gaw. Avery's gonna have to have a long talk with him soon.

v first chest hair

· again, that's all Michael

v incredible muscle growth stories

· mmm, yeah. That's a search phrase I've been meaning to try out myself.

v mcbride naked

· wow.

There it is. 2007's been a great year to me, gifting me with new writing opportunities, new friends, and new forms of entertainment (search phrase fishing should be a bonafide game!). There have been some downs, for sure, but it's hard to remember them as the final minutes tick away and you find yourself with friends and family.

So I wish you a fantastic First Night, and a Happy New Year. Have fun, be safe, and get kissed.

One Good Hand is on sale now!

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, December 25, 2007.

Yes!  Ace & Spade are hanging out at Loose Id!  From the looks of it, they're having a ball. 

I have this thing I watch whenever I need a virtual happy dance.  It's ridiculously cute, but I burst into hysterical laughter whenever I watch it, which is why it's been dubbed my virtual happy dance.  Sharing it here is sure to KILL my cool points, but the fact that One Good Hand is on sale once again makes up for that.  I think.  Anyway, laugh with me:

Merry Christmas. 

Recharging with my Einstein Hair

Note: This blog was originally published on my MySpace blog, December 21, 2007.

Okay, that is hands down my worst blog title ever. {sigh} On to the good stuff:

I've been a bit of a hermit lately. Did tons of writing, but none of it's strictly stuff I should be working on at the moment. Then I banged myself up a little (nothing serious) and it sorta hurt to write for a few days. When I felt better, I opted to draw instead of write. This marked the beginning of what I fondly (and not-so-fondly, depending on my mood) refer to as being in Recharge Mode. Logically I know a lot of stuff is getting done—reading, updating the website, sending out an overdue newsletter, returning phone calls so my friends don't think I'm dead—but often it feels I have very little to show for it because writing is what makes me feel focused, and settled, and productive.

Still, it's been nice. Even when I realized that my hair vaguely resembled Albert Einstein's and put on a cowboy hat. You really can't go wrong with a Stetson.

One of the perks from being in Recharge Mode is that you tend to Google yourself and do all manner of other things that sound dirty without actually being dirty. I got to see what people are saying about me, and most of it's been pretty good. I managed to plow through 543 unread emails and found some wicked good stuff there as well.

Paul's Dream is…wow. Doing better than I'd ever expected. It's even won a few accolades, and I thought I'd share them here because nothing helps a person recharge more than good news. So here they are, in no particular order:

If you read this blog on a regular basis, you already know Mrs. Giggles rated it a Keeper.

The Romance Studio gave it a perfect 5 hearts.

Joyfully Reviewed rated it a Recommended Read.

Romance Junkies awarded the novel a Blue Ribbon.

TwoLips Reviews gave it a Recommended Read and a Reviewer's Choice Award.

Book Utopia Mom "devoured" the story.

Jennifer Leeland called me "brilliant."

It all feels surreal in a really really good way. Lots of people had great things to say, and I try to keep a current list of them on my site (which I just updated this past week!), so you can check them out at Just scroll down to the review section of the page. You can also learn about the story, read an excerpt, play a few games, and hit the link that'll let you buy Paul's Dream at Liquid Silver Books--

Now I'm returning to the reading phase of my Mode. Ai no Kusabi the novel is finally out. Yeah! So far it's proving to be a great way to recharge.