Friday, December 31, 2010

Searchin' the Search Phrases: 2010

End-of-the-year tradition time! One of mine is to go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site over the past year. The most common phrase was "Rowan McBride," although this time around there were a slew of creative misspellings of my name, which has me siked because it means that people who aren't all that familiar with me are looking for me, and in theory that's a good thing career-wise. XD

Also, "Author Rowan" will get you to my site without any trouble. Who knew?

There were phrase and story title combinations that help me from a stats and marketing point of view, but as always my favorites are the ones that make me laugh or tilt my head in confusion. Listing them in no particular order below in the hopes that they'll make you do the same.

  • dalek haiku
    Yeah baby!

  • watching him orgasm
    Who? Was he hot? Did he know??

  • rat pack cardboard cutouts
    I want an invite to that party.

  • bhargava s 33 theorem asserts
    You know what google says the rest of that sentence is?
    ...that an integral quadratic form represents all odd numbers if it represents 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 15 and 33. - T. D. Noe (noe(AT), Mar 30 2006

    Know what it means? Me either, but since Seth and Nick are the math geeks on my site, I'm choosing to blame them even though neither of them use this particular theorem in their stories.

    Look at that. I actually searched a search phrase this year. Title of blog segment validated.

  • he rubbed his hand up my thigh
    Hey, hey now. Maybe you should slow down there...

  • he slipped his hand into my pants and stroked my stiffening cock
    I didn't. I swear.

  • pushed myself forward as if i felt a slow big fingers caressing my hairy crack

  • what s wrong? isn t that what you wanted
    About here is when I began to wonder if I was being *deliberately* molested via search engine.

  • how to play three blind mice
    I can actually help you with this if you're looking to play it on piano, guitar, recorder, or xylophone. Weirdly enough I don't know all the words, so I can't sing it. Not that you'd want me to.

  • his ass cock whimpered or load or deep or again or another or cum his pucker -she -her
    This searcher either doesn't know what the hell they want or knows EXACTLY what they want and is a Boolean genius.

  • i got skin grown over my shoulder
    I'm no expert, but I think that's supposed to be there.

  • site http //
    This page doesn't exist, but it totally should.

  • you and the little mermaid can go
    That sounds like the beginning of the best cursing out ever.

  • plunder rowan mcbride
    Pass. That's pirate pillow talk, and I'm all about the ninjas.

  • i buried my head in his chest and he wrapped his arms around me he laughed into my hair and i felt his warm breath on my face
    I don't have a smartass comment for this one. I'm just feeling sentimental at the end of the year and liked the imagery.

And my favorite search phrase of 2010 is:

  • jascia sex tube
    I don't know what the hell it is, but I feel like the story needs one. Bad.

That's it. For me 2010 was about finding my muse again. It took a while, but I feel like there'll be some good stuff in 2011.

I hope there's good stuff in 2011 for you too. ;)

Happy New Year!

-- Rowan

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Check out what happens...

... when you Google muscle theft:

Yeah, baby! This blog takes the top two spots in the results. How cool is that?

No idea how long it'll last. I only found out because a friend happened to be searching for muscle theft stories, but I'm glad he dropped me a line to let me know in time to screencap it. :D

Incidentally, the fifth result on that list is a portal to the O'Zone, and O's site is a good one for growth, theft, and a long list of other interesting genres. It's also how I ended up on The Evolution Forum, which is the first place I ever read muscle theft fiction I liked. So without O, I probably wouldn't have any theft stories.

Life's quite the tapestry sometimes.

Or maybe my brain's short circuiting because I've been up for two days.

Closing out this rambling now.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Jascian's Toy on my website

I've finally uploaded the existing chapters of The Jascian's Toy to my site. It took a while because I couldn't resist re-reading them, and whenever I re-read something I wrote I can't resist tweaking it. Plus the coding. There was a bit of coding involved.

But it's up now, looking quite at home in the serials section: Although I made a lot of little edits, it was mostly streamlining stuff. I believe changing the name of the Earther Care Kit to Toy Care Kit (TCK) is the only major tweak I made that affects future installments, which I can work on now because I have a place to put them as well as easily edit them. :-D

I've also added a comments section, so you can go there to comment on individual installments or the story as a whole.

Please let me know how you like the new layout. I finished editing/coding at 4:30am this morning, so there are most likely bugs. Drop me a line if you find any.

The Jascian's Toy - Comments Section

Story Blurb:

Blake is kidnapped to another world to be an alien's toy.

If you'd like to make a comment about any of the Jascian installments, or the story as a whole, you can do it here.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thanksgiving M/M Chat

Literary Nymphs is giving one of its mega M/M themed chats Thanksgiving weekend. I’ve been both participant and lurker in these events and either way they’re hella fun. This time around I’ll be participating, meaning that if you didn’t get to play “Where’s Rowan” in San Francisco over Halloween weekend, this’ll be a chance to win some prizes.

Remember, it's a high traffic group, so it's probably best to click the "web only" option when signing up. I'm posting the official promo for the chat below, which will include all the details. If you do drop by and happen to see me, give me a wave, yeah?


Well, it's that time of year again and Literary Nymphs is hosting their HUGE
Thanksgiving Day weekend M/M only chat and this year, we have a list of
attendees that will knock your socks off (be sure to put them back on cuz
it's cold outside!!!)!! So far, we have the following authors either
attending or tentatively scheduled to attend: Jessica Freely, Jaye
Valentine, Lynn Lorenz, Kimberly Gardner, Syd McGinley, Amanda Young, K.Z.
Snow, Jessica Freely, Josh Lanyon, Sloan Parker, Rowan McBride, KC
Kendricks, Lee Rowan, Stephanie Vaughan, Ally Blue (tentative), Kate Steele,
Jet Mykles, Lee Benoit, KC Burn, Michael Barnette, Shayla Kersten, EM
Lynley, Jenny Urban, Elizabeth Silver, Missy Welsh, Angel Martinez,
Christiane France, Ariel Tachna, Rowena Sudbury, Tinnean, Tedy Ward and
Margaret Mills, Andrew Gray, Clare London, Jan Irving, Chrissy Munder, Lori
Toland, Sarah Black, Amy Lane, Blak Rayne, Carolina Valdez, Berengaria
Brown, Marilu Mann, Alan Chin, VJ Summers, Pat Brown, Alix Bekins, Z.A.
Maxfield, Andrea Speed, Amber Green, John Simpson, Lex Valentine, Andi
Anderson, Amber Kell, Charlie Cochrane, J. Hali Steele, Brenna Lyons, Jenna
Hilary Sinclair, Marianne Guenon, Christie Gordon and the responses keep
rolling in so don't miss it!

When? November 26, 27, 28 (Friday 9:00 am Eastern Time Saturday, and Sunday)


Why? This just might be our biggest chat ever so it should be very much fun!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Still settling in from Yaoi-Con. Somewhere in between me realizing I don't have enough shelf space for my new manga and me realizing I don't have enough wall space for my new art, I got a couple of sweet reviews:

Lone Cover -- Click here to learn more about the story

Boylove Addict wrote that "This book is literally going right into my keeper shelf." They said some other great stuff, too, and you can read the full review at:

You can also learn more about Lone (as well as read an excerpt) on my site.

Paul's Dream Cover -- Click here to learn more about the story

Paul's Dream left Serena Yates at Queer Magazine Online "totally breathless," and I'm stoked over that. She also used words like "amazing," "engaging," and "evil." I probably shouldn't be *as* stoked over that last one, but hell, drawing up a no-holds barred villain was surprisingly difficult.

To read all of this review, go to

And of course you can check out more Paul's Dream stuff on my site.

I think jetting off to San Francisco did me good. Wrote 2700 words yesterday and plan to write tonight. Hoping this means I'm slipping back into a good groove.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Home from Yaoi-Con

And still recovering, so a longer recap (with pics, hopefully) will be coming later. For now, though, I wanted to list the highlights:

  • Met a bunch of friends, old and new.

  • Gave away all my Where's Rowan prizes.

  • Got Yamane Ayano's autograph.

  • Won Best Action at the AMV contest.

  • Won a bishie at an auction.

  • Went to Alcatraz.

  • Bought a busload of stuff.

  • Watched "Ghost Adventures" for the first time. lol.

There was a lot more, I know, but I need a little time to organize my thoughts and sift through the stuff that cannot be told. ;)

Friday, October 29, 2010

Game On!

Where's Rowan? Find me at Yaoi-Con wearing this hat:

And follow these rules to win fab prizes. From October 29-31. That's now!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Where's Rowan? (Yaoi-Con 2010 edition)

Katrina Strauss was way generous and sent me a bunch of stuff to give away along with mine, so I figured now was as good a time as any to post the rules of this year's "Where's Rowan" game. But first, the glorious hat that is the key to victory and--dare I say it--seventh level happiness. I speak, of course, of the Urahara/chibi-Gaara impossible to match with anything baseball cap:

Oh yes, it's spiffy. It even has quite the extensive backstory in that it was made during a phase where for some reason people were sending me plushies left and right, chibi-Gaara got the traditional bucket hat, drama ensued, and eventually there was even a photo taken with Gaara wearing THIS hat. It's convoluted and only really makes sense in my mind, but the bottom line is that this hat possesses magical powers and can win you prizes. These prizes, in fact:


I tried to make sure I put one of each in there, but I've got a *lot* of prints in varying sizes. You may have noticed some sparkling Blue Ruin and Sleight of Hand love mixed in there-- those are what Katrina sent. :D

The CDs I'm giving out are "first chapter" CDs, in they contain the first chapter of all my currently published works, plus a copy of my short story "A Picture's Worth." I'm also giving away one trade paperback copy each of Lone, Warm Rush: Chasing Winter, and Want Me.

Nice, yeah?


  1. Finding the hat is pretty much it. Look for it at Yaoi-Con 2010 either on my head or attached to my messenger bag.

  2. Once you find the hat, walk up to the person with it and ask politely "Are you Rowan McBride?" If they say no, keep walkin' because it means my idea wasn't as original as I thought and someone else painted their own Urahara baseball cap. If it *is* me, then I'll probably flash a big goofy grin and you'll win one of the fabulous prizes listed above.

  3. I'll be posting many of my locations in real time via twitter, so keep an eye on that page for an advantage.

  4. Contest begins when I yell "Game On!" on this blog, my website, twitter, and on my newsletter Friday, October 29th 2010 and ends Halloween day.

  5. Have fun!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Yaoi-Con musings

This Halloween weekend I’ll be in San Francisco for Yaoi-Con. Gotta say, looking forward to it. Fate has set it up so that I get to meet up with an old friend I haven’t seen since college. I also have plans to meet a lot of new friends face-to-face for the first time. Plus there’s an impressive list of people I plan to outright stalk. Conventions rock.

And, yes, I do plan to play Where’s Rowan? while I’m there. The rules will be similar to last year when we played at DragonCon. Yaoi-Con’s a lot smaller so I won’t be posting every move I make on twitter, but I’ll tweet the highlights because I have a lot of prizes to give away and this is the…what?...third or fourth year we’ve played and no one’s ever found Rowan. I have high hopes that the streak will be broken this year. With my luck it will be while I’m letting someone else try on the hat.

What prizes have I got this time around? I’ll list the details in a later post, but good ones. Plus author and friend Katrina Strauss is sending me some swag and how cool is that?

So, any of you guys going to the con? What events are you looking forward to?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Michael Finally Grows Up - Chapter 8

Chapter eight of Michael Finally Grows Up is done and posted. I wish I had something clever and insightful to say as to why I up and decided to write more of this story after, oh, a year and two months, but the truth is I was feeling it and so I jumped in. XD

Avery’s voice is always a lot of fun to write for me. I hope you enjoy getting reacquainted with him:

Friday, September 3, 2010

Fun Stuff: Cosplay

Is "Fun Stuff" better than "Feed the Fun"? I dunno. Moving on.

If you read my previous post you know last month was hella hectic for me because the family had descended. Proof of how frazzled this had made me can be found in the typo I made in the title of a newsletter I sent out last month. {sigh} Embarrassing. But overall being with the extended fam was a lot of fun, things have settled in the last few days, and now I'm in recovery mode, so let's move on from that as well.

Dragon*Con starts this weekend. I don't get to go this time around so that's a bummer, but my favorite thing about any fan convention is the cosplay, so I thought I'd post a few of my favorite images from deviantArt. I hope you enjoy them too.

TZP: The Lost Woods by *Adella on deviantART

This dude's body isn't photoshopped--he spent six months with a personal trainer to look like Link. Now that's dedication to a character.


Code Geass R2 - Mutuality - 09 by ~shiroang on deviantART

I never get tired of good Geass cosplay.


X: if we could stay together by ~Aoinagaru on deviantART

I love X. And fanservice.


The Doctor and The Batman by *blackjack157 on deviantART

Bizarre team-ups rock too.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Heh. Limericks.

Haven't been online much because the fam has descended. I'm talking parents, grandparents, cousins (and their families), aunties, uncles, brothers, nephews, nieces. If they don't drink, they shoot, if they don't shoot, they cook, if they don't cook, they dance, and if they don't dance, they, uh, write, I guess. We all, without exception, play dominoes. This is the state of my life at the moment.

I totally missed the start of the Goodreads M/M Romance Group 1-year Anniversary Celebration. I would have missed the whole thing if I hadn't received an email letting me know it was time for me to mail out a prize I'd donated. But thanks to that email I got to drop in on some of the fun. I even got to play in a limerick contest yesterday and it floored the hell out of me to find out via another somewhat random email that the little sucker made first place. I chose Lynn Lorenz's "Pinky Swear" as my prize, so assuming no one snapped it up before me and assuming I picked from the correct prize list, I'm looking forward to a good read.

The celebration's still going on. Drop in and have some fun. Also, if you have a minute, pray for me.

Posting the limerick below. The prompt was "Pain."

There once was a heart in my chest
Until you ripped it right out of my breast
Now there's no dawn
As the pain writhes on
You stole my love *and* my death

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sean Scott's Buff Muscles

It occurs to me that the above blog subject reads like the title of a story. Damn. I really need to finish something.

Last week I was doing that thing where you look up people you admire on twitter on the off chance that they’re there. I found Sean Scott, whose stories I’d been reading since before I started posting my own. If you’re into muscle fiction and you don’t recognize the name, you might be more familiar with his pseuds Aaron Strong and Derek Flex. If you know any of those names, you know he writes good stuff.

He did, indeed, have a twitter account. I hit follow. That was that.

Until a few hours later and I get an email from the man himself telling me he’s a fan of my stuff. I freaked out. Didn’t reply for three days.

I mean, where does he get off, telling me he’s a fan? I was his fan first. Doesn’t he know how bizarre that is?

When I did write him, it was something to that effect. I don’t handle pressure well.

But lucky for me he’s nice and more, uh, centered than I am. And his website is not just nice, it’s niiiiiiiiice. With stories and pics and blog posts and videos. All of it geared toward the grownup crowd and all of it hawt.

Registration required to see some of the content, but it’s free and fun. It’s easy to get immersed there. A lot of my friends haven’t heard from me in, hmm, about a week now. XD

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Feed the Fun -- Vampires

Believe it or not, I didn't forget to post this Friday. I couldn't decide on this month's feature and stalled myself. Then I remembered what released this weekend and realized it was a no brainer.

So below is an AMV featuring one of my all time favorite vamps: Alucard from the Hellsing anime series. Notice his use of the cool ass hat. ;)

PS - If you'd like to rename "Feed the Fun," read the deets here.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Yeah, it looks like I'm going. XD

I'm even thinking of picking a day and playing Where's Rowan, so if you're going to be in San Francisco on Halloween weekend, maybe we'll have some fun.

You can learn more about the convention at

Friday, May 28, 2010

Nine Seconds of Superman

Monday, May 17, 2010

Want Me, Book Depository, and a Manga Rec

Mrs. Giggles loves Book Depository. Talks about it all the time on her blog. For some reason I never thought to check it out until recently.

She’s right. It’s pretty freaking awesome. Most of their books have discounts comparable to the other big online book stores, and they have free shipping all over the world, no matter how much or how little you buy. Since I have a lot of days where I only buy one book at a time, this really works for me.

As is my habit when I hit a new book site, I typed my name in the search bar, and it turns out Want Me is listed there as well. So, wherever you are, you can get it shipped to you for free. Very cool.

Click the pic to learn more about Want Me

What I ended up buying on Book Depository was volume one of Kurashina Sensei’s Passion. Was in the mood for a sensei story, and it turned out to be perfect for that. Kurashina himself is one of my favorite types of characters: high strung, high tempered, badass when the chips are down, and his heart’s always in the right place. He wears a suit. He wears glasses. It’s nice.

The story follows Kurashina-sensei as he returns to his alma mater to teach, and how he deals with a wide array of personalities. There’s an interesting dynamic between him and one of the students that starts with Kurashina’s cat puking all over the student.

I’ve only read volume one so far, and it was funny. It was also sweet without getting sugary and I was looking for something lighthearted to read (I’d been feeling the weight of writer’s block and just needed to freaking relax). So if you’re looking for something like that too, I recommend KSP.

Kurashina Sensei's Passion cover

Friday, May 14, 2010

Feed the… Fun?

The day I left for college, my mom was sitting next to me in the airport. My dad would have been there too, but he was still in the military and ended up not being able to come. Mom was all teary eyed because I’m the first born and I’m told the first to go away is usually the most traumatic for the moms while the last to go is the most traumatic for the dads.

So we’re sitting there, and she starts telling me she knows I’m going to have a lot of fun in school. I naturally think this is a trap, so I calmly answer that I don’t intend to have much fun—that I of course intended to be very serious about my studies.

This turned out to be the wrong answer because she said, “It’s only natural for people your age to go to school and have lots of fun.”

“Seriously, you don’t have to worry about me,” I told her, focusing on an empty chair in front of us. “I got this, and I’m gonna get into a good law school.”

“No no. I WANT you to have fun.”

Finally, I turn my head. “Say what?”

“It’s healthy for you.”


“I just want you to… to be safe.”

I blink. “Well, uh. If I get a chance to try this snowboarding thing I promise I’ll wear a helmet, pads, the whole bit.” (At the time I was moving from Hawaii to Iowa.)

“No no no.” Her voice drops. “I want you to make sure you have,” to a whisper, “protection. Always.”

Isn’t that what I’d just assured her? How many times did I have to…

Then it dawns on me, and I bolt upright in my chair and say loud enough to carry through half the airport, “OH. When you say fun you’re talking sex.”

At which point I literally get a fist slammed into the top of my head.

But since then, every time a grownup says “fun” the dirty little voice in my head says “sex,” and that’s why for now we’re renaming the Feed the Fetish feature on this blog to Feed the Fun. It’s still not the greatest title, so the contest is still on. Keep playing, and if I choose your title I’ll send you a prize. :)

With that, in honor of some of the stories I’ve been tinkering around with lately, this week’s Feed the Fun is not quite human (or more than, depending on your perspective) guys:

Bleach - Grimmjow by ~Linnou on deviantART

He's from an anime called Bleach. He's got rage issues. And I'd totally be willing to have fun with him he if were real. Okay, probably not since since I value my life. But you never know.


water spirit - color by =pandabaka on deviantART

There really isn't enough water spirit art out there.


Commission: Deathly Raven by =mazjojo on deviantART

Love the ears, love the scythe, love the fact that he looks like he's about to have some fun kicking ass.


Razvan in the city by *Dark-Razvan on deviantART

This for me captures what draws me to urban fantasy.


Nightcrawler's Sanctuary by ~themovieguru42 on deviantART

He's fun in any incarnation. :)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Like P.L. Nunn’s art?

Katrina Strauss was kind enough to drop me a line letting me know that P.L. Nunn is selling prints of many of the book covers she designed for five dollars each. One Shot is on the list, and in case you forgot what that one looked like—because, ya know, I don’t post it nearly enough ;)—here it is below:

One Shot Cover -- Click here to learn more about the story

A lot of other great covers there as well, and the site in general is much fun. You can check it all out at

Nice way to kick off the week, yeah?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Awesome Review for "One Shot"

One Shot Cover -- Click here to learn more about the story

Bitten by Books wrote that "One Shot is by far one of the best romantic eroticas that I have ever read." They also said a lot of other great things about the story, and you can read the full review at:

And you can learn more about One Shot (as well as read an excerpt) on my site. :D

Friday, April 2, 2010

Feed the Fetish -- New title for Feed the Fetish

I was thinking about my whole Feed the Fetish series and it occurs to me that it isn’t so much about my “fetishes” (of which I actually have very few) as it is a feature about “things I like a lot” (of which I have many). I’d be able to post about even more things I like and things other people like if “fetish” weren’t in the title, but I've got nothing as far as new names for the feature.

Any ideas? If so, please post in the comments. If I choose your title, there’s a shiny new 8x10 glossy of my Boy Meets Bishie logo in it for ya. :)

Boy Meets Bishie Logo

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Jascian, YouTube, and other news.

I've posted chapter 13 of "The Jascian's Toy." Although I posted it first on the Evolution Forum at, I couldn't resist making a few last minute edits before submitting it to Nifty, so I would suggest reading it there since it's up today on that site. The mirror I use is

I'm planning to centralize the story on my own website, so in the future you'll be able to read new installments there first, which will make access quicker and easier for everyone. Should be a good thing.

I've gotten myself a new YouTube channel. So far it's only got one book trailer and a few favorites, but it should be pretty cool...eventually. You can view it/subscribe/drop me a line at:

My reading list has (finally) changed. If you're interested, it's on my Interests page. Two new books. I'm making progress. :)

Plus I've got a new banner!

boy meets bishie banner

Pretty snazzy, yeah? You can view the full sized version here.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Feed the Fetish -- A Well Made Suit

I don't know what it is, but something about a tailored suit always gets to me. Even better if the guy wearing the suit is also wearing glasses and/or {ah yeah} is a sadistic seme. Throw a little magic in? Bonus.

Not a lot of the guys in my own stories so far have worn the glorious tailored suit. Jesse from Chasing Winter didn't like them, but he wore one once, and Keith made sure to jump him good in that scene. Nick almost always had a suit on in One Shot, but it was more of a cute "I'm trying to emulate my mentor" kind of thing. As far as suit-imagery goes, his mentor Greg painted a more powerful image for me, which is a shame because he doesn't have a story. heh.

Paul, though... Man, he was a lot of fun to write. Cool, calm, always in control. Until Kian came along and set his whole world on fire, anyway. And Anne Cain made sure he rocked that suit on the cover:

Click the pic for more information about this story

Never get tired of it, so this month's Feed the Fetish is full of men who also rock their suits:

Sakurazuka Seishiro by ~Eriko-chan on deviantART

Seishiro, from Tokyo Babylon and X/1999. Smoking's not good for you and truthfully neither is he, but I still love him.


Soon by ~Rai-daydreamer on deviantART

Big guys look good in suits too. :D


shooting 31.05.2009with smun13 by ~phenomdesire on deviantART

No jacket, but he has glasses in his mouth, so I'm giving him a pass. ;)


At your services by *heise on deviantART

Dom in a suit... submissive in a suit... It's all good.

So, who's your favorite suit?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Pondering Rainbows

“I don’t have time to wake up every morning and ponder my sexuality all day.”

The above is one of a vast array of things said by an old friend to me during one of the last conversations we would ever have, because she was in the process of disowning me. It was certainly the last significant conversation we had, because the one after started as an awkward “how is your health” sort of thing that ended just as badly, but quieter and—given this was (wow) years ago—I can say with confidence it ended things between us for good.

I remember trying to explain that (a) sex is different from gender, (b) sexual orientation is separate from gender identity, and (c) that I didn’t wake up and ponder being a gender fluid person any more than she woke up pondering what it was like being a cis-gendered woman.

I never got to (c). Calling it a “conversation” was possibly too generous.

This isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned something from that day on this blog, and probably won’t be the last. Sometimes I’m embarrassed that I keep going back to it, because really I’m unbelievably lucky. My dad grew up southern Baptist and was a cowboy before joining the Air Force. My mom grew up very traditionally Korean and these days she's a fundamentalist Baptist. I could have been disowned for real, but they were almost anti-climatically cool about me being gender-fluid. They don’t understand some of it and sometimes they backslide a bit, but they still love me and not in a “hate the sin love the sinner” kind of way so it’s definitely a win. None of my other close friends freaked out.

I keep saying I’ll put it out of my mind, but I guess things like that never really leave you. And lately I’ve been dissecting bits and pieces of what she said to me, turning them around in my head, using those little daggers to try and understand myself better.

Today I pondered my sexuality AND my gender, dammit.

A while back the television was on and Oprah was talking to a person who’d written a book about sexual fluidity. I glanced up because I rarely hear the term “gender fluid” unless I’m saying it and this was close enough to have me riveted. Oprah carefully asked the other person a question that I imagine a lot of people probably think and keep to themselves. Paraphrasing, it went something like:

When a woman who’s been straight all her life comes out as lesbian, why is it that you often see them with women that…sort of look like men?

The interviewee, Dr. Lisa Diamond, didn’t miss a beat, explaining that you can be attracted to women, but prefer masculine features.

I remember smiling at that, but didn’t really process it because I was under deadline at the time.

Today I pondered, and it was a hell of a lot of fun. Sexuality, gender, biology, et al. are complex things, and at first I skirted along the edges:

Gay men.
Straight women.
Lesbian women.
Straight men.

And then I just dove right in:

So, okay. A masculine male might like masculine features in men. A feminine woman could go for an equally lacy female. A bisexual woman or man might like masculine traits in both men and women, although my best friend is bisexual and sie needs hir women ULTRA feminine and hir men SUPER masculine, so you can split that down the middle. A friend of mine’s daughter IDs as pansexual and I had to wiki that, but I had to explain demisexual to someone of a similar age so the younger generation doesn’t have a monopoly on terms. Bois like grrls. Bois like birls who like bois. Yes, men who were born with female bodies can be attracted to men. Or women. Or any combination of the two. Androgynes are sometimes attracted to androgynous people, but being “androgynous” applies to physical features and not all androgynes look outwardly androgynous. Similarly, not all androgynous people identify as androgyne. A feminine man might go for feminine women and it doesn’t mean that the man is repressing his homosexuality or is bisexual. He might just know he looks damned good in pink. While polyamorous people can be bisexual and vice versa, the two terms are not interchangeable. It's just possible to stack them in some cases. Like one might stack "straight polyamorous cis-gendered woman." No one has exact numbers on how many intersexed people are out there because doctors and parents tend to make the gender decision for the child at birth and then hide the information to avoid stigma for the child. Often the child won’t find out unless there’s a medical problem later in life. More and more, however, parents of intersexed children are letting their kids choose their own gender when they’re older. Some choose male, some choose female, some don’t choose. Not choosing doesn’t make them indecisive or deformed. It just means they’re intersexed. GLBTQQICA. Sometimes athletic women are straight. Sometimes they’re not. Being an athlete doesn’t have anything to do with that. Bi-gendered, 3rd gendered, multi-gendered, genderqueer, omni-gendered, cis-gendered, gender-fluid, transgendered, non-gendered. Real men wear Stetsons. Real men drive trucks. Real men cry. Real men are afraid of spiders. Confession: I have NO fucking idea what a real man is, but genuine thanks to the kind people who send me mail to let me know that I write them.

Having fun yet? And the great thing is I haven’t even scratched the surface.

On that terrible day I had a fight with someone I’d been sure would be my friend forever, I was offended that she would assume I spent so much time thinking about sexuality/gender. Now I wonder why I don’t think about it MORE. It’s an amazing, mind bending thing to look at, and it makes me happy to see something new every time I do. It’s only when you look at it all that you understand why nearly every variation of a queer symbol has a rainbow on it—a rainbow is a spectrum of light that's only visible when you look up to see the sun through the rain, and it’s bright, and beautiful, and (to borrow a story from my highly biblical upbringing) it’s a miracle.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Hands are awesome...

... and sometimes ridiculously cute:

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I’ve come to the conclusion that the hardest part of writing isn’t finishing a story. The hardest part is starting one—over, and over, and over again. Because that’s what you have to do to get to the end, isn’t it? Start the book, eventually go to sleep. At some point over the course of the next day, start again…until you have to go to sleep. Repeat until there’s no more story. Start process over with another story while mentally preparing yourself to start revisions on previous one. Starting is the key here. Not finishing.

This feels like an epiphany, but at the same time I feel like I’ve read this pearl of wisdom somewhere before. Which is entirely possible. Some lessons take years to sink in with me.

For a lot of little reasons that happened to coalesce at the same time, I’m not working on any stories right now.* In the last few weeks I’ve wanted to, but for whatever reason I keep having false starts, not real ones. So my vacation continues, and it’s not so bad.

The other day I was looking over one of my bookcases. I’m a hoarder packrat archiver, especially about things I write, so I’ve got a bunch of old journals. Although I’ve been writing for about as long as I can remember, it hasn’t always been fiction, and as I looked through my journals I noticed that I only seemed to feel it necessary to document the details of my life when I wasn’t writing fiction or poetry. Some of those details were really…hrm…interesting and I figured that I’d post some *headdesk* unedited excerpts below:

From when I was 10 years old:

Today I went to the movies and watched Transformors the Movie. It was fun! SPike was a grown man and was saying some bad words (like (shit.)) There were few more bad words in it. It was great.

17 years old:

I understand why so many seniors take cruise classes. It’s so they don’t blow a gasket when trying to meet all of their college deadlines.

18 years old:

So, I asked him to be my Valentine.

And you know what the idiot said?

He actually said yes.

Surprised the hell outta me, and then he asked what we were supposed to do. I told him I didn’t have a clue, and he laughed again.

20 years old:

Tomorrow I’ll be trying my hand at car sales. I really, really hope I have some sort of hidden car selling talent. I don’t want to look like an idiot and be poor this summer.

25 years old:

No matter what had happened before or what would happen later—in those hours he was perfect.

26 years old:

The next thing I know, I’m wondering where my muffin is. A few seconds later I’m wondering why I’m on the floor. A few seconds after that I wonder why my mom is sobbing. Turns out she thought I was dead.

30 years old:

He dyed his hair orange and dressed up like Ichigo for me. Filthy, unspeakable deeds in the dead of night were his reward. He says next year he might do Hisagi.

31 years old:

Went to see Dark Knight. HOLY SHIT. I mean... holy shit! Heath Ledger’s Joker was iconic and the story... it’s living, it’s breathing, it digs its wway inside of you. Haha. “Why so serious?” Holy FUCKING shit!

As you can see, I was (and still am) a mess. But reading those journals had me smiling, sneezing (dust!), chuckling. I was sad in parts, hopeful in others. All emotions I try to evoke through my stories.

So maybe the lesson here isn’t about me not writing. Maybe the lesson here is about me accepting the fact that, while I haven’t jumped feet first back into any of my books yet, this blog has become a journal of sorts which allows me to get my thoughts down, rambling though they may be.

It’s a start, right?

* This post was actually written two weeks ago and last week I out of the blue updated The Jascian’s Toy. I was proud of chapter 12. I suppose now it’s time to start again.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Feed the Fetish – Furries

Ah, there’s so much I could say about furries. While I don’t classify them as one of my personal fetishes, I am fascinated and there’s a lot in the genre I really like. I do plan to write more about them at some future point. But for now, eye candy:

Big Cat dude...thing. by ~Jackademus on deviantART

Andre striptease by ~furiousfox on deviantART

November 2009 Calendar by ~humbuged on deviantART

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Nifty links

The Jascian's Toy - 12 seems to be through the mirrors now. If you'd prefer to read it there instead of at The Evolution Forum, knock yourself out. :)

I've also added a 2010 link to the Best of Rowan's Ramblings section on my About Me page. It only has one entry so far, but I'm thinking 2010 is going to be a good year so hopefully there will be more.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Jascian's Toy - 12

It's been almost a year since I've updated this story, and that's far too long considering how much I love it. I've posted the 12th installment on The Evolution Forum at . Registration is required there, but free. I've been a member since 2005 and have never received anything more from the automated system than birthday emails and notifications of private messages, and those settings are adjustable.

If you prefer to read the story on, it's weaving its way through the mirrors now. I'll drop you a line once it's posted on the mirror that I use. :D

The new installment is a little longer than my usual chapters. The story gets a bit darker as well, but I believe all the characters involved grow in important ways, and I'm wicked proud of it.

I hope you enjoy it.

-- Rowan

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Information Dissemination by Rowan McBride

You can find out stuff about me through a lot of portals. I try to tailor each portal to the type of person who might use it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my “logic” regarding my method is shaky at best. Still, I thought it might be fun (for me, maybe not so much for you) to see if I can break it down:

Twitter is a hundred and forty characters of instant gratification. If I get good news, if I get a good review, if I’ve just posted something—it’s almost guaranteed that I’ll let the world know first on twitter. The benefit of this is that you’re more likely to get news about me as soon as it happens.

The downsides are the sheer speed twitter news can fly by, and the fact that I’m inclined to get wrapped up in conversations about zombies or super heroes or whatever manga I’m reading at the drop of a hat.

My website
This is the most stable portal. My books and buy links are listed. Links to all the other portals are listed. There’s a straightforward news page. I try to keep it as clean and professional as possible.

There’s no real downside, except that every once in a while there’s a piece of information I forget to put on the news page. It doesn’t happen often, though.

My newsletter
After twitter, if I’ve released a book or posted a new installment to a story, my newsletter is the first place I send the message. So if you’re signed up to that, you’re going to get a message whenever the new stuff is up. And while the information included in the updates there are more detailed, I try to keep everything strictly writing related.

I’m not sure if this is an up or a down side, but I don’t update the newsletter unless something specific has happened in my writing life. I also like to have the letters include an announcement to, you know, some sort of STORY, so sometimes if I have news that doesn't I hesitate unless it’s a lot of news. Those two factors tend to keep the number of newsletters that go out per month low.

My home blog is on Blogger, accessible via and It includes the updates featured in my newsletter but also carries the qualifier of “ramblings” in the title, so I often write about things that catch my attention. Blogger also lets me schedule posts in advance so sometimes I’ll have rambles set to go days or weeks in advance, which is good for me because I get to appear as if I put out (in theory) regularly spaced content, and it’s good for you because you don’t have to deal with those bursts of “blogging mania” I sometimes have and endure ten updates in less than a week.

You can also subscribe to my blog via google reader, feedburner, or RSS feed. There are probably other ways as well, but lately I’ve fallen behind on the tech. In fact, I think google owns feedburner now, so the first two options I listed might very well bottom line at the same thing at this point.

I cross-post most of my blog onto MySpace. MySpace gives me a lot of formatting trouble, though, which is why I jumped ship in the first place. As a result, many times things like Feed the Fetish don’t get posted there (or, if you’re on MySpace now—here). Also, if a scheduled blog posts on Blogger, it usually posts at around 12:01 A.M., but since I have to cut and paste to MySpace, it won't usually hit there until late afternoon. Which isn't a huge inconvenience, but if you've ever wondered about the disparity in posting times, that's why.

Edit 6/14/2012: I no longer use the MySpace portal.

Although I do have a goodreads account, so far I haven’t used it for much more than popping in on occasion to update my reading list and to drop a few thoughts on whatever manga I've just finished. I actually haven’t figured out most of the functions there yet, I’m sure.

There is a blog function there and the beautiful thing about it is that it automatically updates when I post on Blogger.

I very, very rarely post any information of use here. I just dink around and draw. :)

3-16-2012 ETA:
More or less a repository for my ADD. Pretty pointless if you want any writing news about me. But, you know, it's a thing. :)

So… I think that’s pretty much every one of my portals. How are you doing? Still awake? Lol.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Apples and Vampires

Good to know that I'm not the only one out there who thinks apples and vampires are a good combination:

SS for Elaine by ~Chancake on deviantART

Monday, January 18, 2010

Birthday Sneakers

My birthday was last week and here's a picture of one of my presents:

birthday shoes

Best. Shoes. EVER.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

How to Help Haiti

I got the link via Mrs. Giggles's blog. It's a list of reputable places to donate:

Lone's Book Trailer is in a Contest!

I entered my Lone trailer in a contest. You can check it out along with the other entrants at Entries Part 1, and Entries Part 2. The voting rules are:

  1. Votes will be counted via email.

  2. One vote per person and per email. No multiple email accounts should try to vote over and over again.

  3. Send vote to thepenmuse(at), subject: Entry #

  4. Voters you have until Monday Jan 18th!

A lot of good trailers are entered. Even if you don't vote, they're fun to watch. :D

Friday, January 8, 2010

Feed the Fetish -- Giants

I believe the correct word for me is "macrophile," although I find that I'm horribly picky about my giants. The "macro" part of the story or image usually has to tie in to muscle growth in some way, I don't like vore (when the giant eats people), gore, or anything really to do with feet.

And even though I like stories about female giants, it's surprisingly hard to find stories/images featuring male giants (what's up with that?). I think the first stories I found collected together were probably on the Evolution Forum, and since then I've discovered places like Metabods (which has been down for a while now due to repairs) and Coiled Fist (which is still up!).

Below are a few macrophile images I like. Next time around I'll see about posting links to some stories. :)


Mysterious Mist by ~lildlareg on deviantART


Gulliver by ~TamasGaspar on deviantART


Giant Experiment by *Zhu1609 on deviantART


PS: Sorry about posting on the second Friday of this month. That whole New Year's thing threw me off.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Talk to the moose!

I am entirely too fond of this vid: