4.0

I always get a little bummed when one of my stories dips below 4.0 on Goodreads. I think some part of my mind still equates that sort of point system with a grade point average. Through most of junior high and high school I had a 4.0 or higher, mainly because most of those schools weighted the grades based on the administration’s definition of difficulty. So I could conceivably get five points for trigonometry, but only four points for art history which is balls. Let me tell you that being able to recognize artists and styles and time periods by looking at a painting is at *least* as cool as being able to calculate sines and cosines.

But I’ve gone off on a tangent.

The point is that four stars is not perfection. A book’s rating is not a grade point average. I won’t fail to graduate with honors and disappoint my parents if a few most of my stories drop below 4.0.

Last time I checked, only two of my books had a rating of 4 stars or above. And what a weird pair--Paul’s Dream and Want Me. On the spectrum of my writings, those two occupy opposite poles. Paul’s Dream is one of my better written books and leans a little closer to traditional romance, so I get that. Want Me is also one of my better written books but oh my god it’s a dark, twisted, muscle theft story. I figured the theft alone would turn a lot of the readers right the hell off.

The first edition of Want Me was self-published, though, and only available in print. The price point was around sixteen bucks and I think that probably kept new readers from trying it. In other words, if you bought the book you were generally (a) already familiar with my writing or (b) specifically looking for a muscle theft story.

And the reviews for Want Me were freaking great. Almost all of them had some variation of “Oh God this is so creepy WHY AM I STILL READING IT???” which is pretty much one of the most awesome things ever. XD

The second edition of Want Me comes out next week in ebook format. I’m guessing that means its overall rating will plummet to around 2 or 3 stars. But that’s okay. It just means that readers feel strongly about it (in the case of 2 and below) or they think the story is about as good as most of the stories they’ve read (in the case of 3 stars).

Don’t get me wrong. Four and five stars is a rush. But I once got five stars on a book because Ace was strong and sensitive, then one star on that same book because he was weak and unstable. So I try not to take scores too seriously. It’s all relative, and I never took physics in high school. ;)

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Note:While preparing this post I had to link to my Goodreads page. Turns out Want Me has already dropped below 4.0. XD


Want Me will be available April 2nd, 2013 from Loose Id.

"Want Me" has a cover!

Nice, yeah?


Art done by Fiona Jayde. Story's coming out in April. :)

Words

Note: The following is a brief post about slurs, and hence might contain triggers.


Some time in late high school or early college, I started to correct my friends whenever they used the word “gypped.” In most cases it wasn’t a confrontational correction, because--like with so many other casual slurs--they had no idea what it really meant. I’d say something like, “Did you know that word comes from the word ‘gypsy’?” Usually that was more than enough. They’d be horrified, they’d tell their friends, and within a couple of years I stopped hearing the word in any of our circles.

Generally speaking, I have good taste in friends. They’re good people. They just didn’t know.

Here’s something I didn’t know until last year.

“Gypsy” itself, is a slur. It’s been used for centuries to run Romani people out of villages, towns, cities, countries. It’s been used to deny employment or to justify slavery. The Romani have been victims of lynching and concentration camps, of hatred and erasure.

You might be tempted to tell yourself, “But that’s overseas. Here in America ‘Gypsy’ has a completely different connotation.”

No. Not really. In part because many Romani who survived the Holocaust moved here, and many survive to this day. They have children and those children feel the pain of their parents and grandparents acutely, so that connotation hasn’t disappeared, nor should it. Remembering that something happened is the first step in making sure it doesn’t happen again. Plus America has its own set of stereotypes, as well as its own history of enslaving Romani people.

A short, but by no means encompassing, list below:

• Gypsies are thieves/charlatans who will rip you off if you let them.
• Gypsies are fortune tellers.
• Gypsy women are whores.
• Gypsy men are killers.
• They have the power to curse people.
• They all love to dance and play tambourines and wear bandanas.
• They’re hypersexual and hot tempered.
• They’re all homeless and at best travel in roaming caravans criss-crossing the country.

But… But… I have Romani friends and they *self-identity* as Gypsy!

And that’s their choice. The people within a marginalized group can choose to reclaim a word used to shame and hurt them in an effort to turn it into a positive. However, it’s almost never okay for people outside that group to use the word to identify said group.

But the DICTIONARY says--

Stop. Just stop. Many dictionaries still list a definition of “nigger” as a snag or hindrance.* I dare you to use that term around me and try to use that definition to defend yourself. Pro-tip: You won’t have a chance, because I’ll already have blocked you.

So, yeah. “Gypsy” is not a good word. And I used it a lot.

I used it in the first edition of Want Me. Joel often calls Walker a “gypsy” because Walker is a wanderer (see dictionary excuse above). I didn’t think anything of it because I have American-Romani friends who self-identify as Gypsy (see friends excuse above). But since then, I’ve come across several articles** and firsthand accounts written by people who were pained by the term. They were emotional, and true, and hard to read. And if they were hard to read, I knew I had no concept of how painful it was to live that reality.

Honestly speaking, I don’t care about offending people. I do, however, care very much about hurting them.

When it came time to edit the second edition of Want Me, I took it as a second chance and made some changes. The story still starts with Joel using that word, but as his world gets bigger and deeper he--as he does with so many other things--matures out of it in a way that I think is believable and organic. I was glad to have the opportunity to make those changes, to have a chance to mature with him.

To anyone who was hurt reading the way the word was used in the first edition, I apologize. Full stop.

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* A few of those articles:

• "The Problem with the word 'Gypsy'."
• "A Brief Introduction to Romani History."
• "The Pariah Syndrome: An account of Gypsy slavery and persecution."
• "Flowchart for Justification of Using the Word Gypsy."

** To be fair, Dictionary.com (from which I paraphrased this particular definition) tries fairly hard to explain that it is a slur, is offensive, and should not be used. And although I disagree with some of the things in its usage note, “Gypsy” doesn’t even get that treatment.