Just Perfect Release Day

My new novella, Drayner Series #1 - Just Perfect, is officially available from Torquere Press.

I hope you like it. ;)

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Blurb:

Three years ago, Draven was forced to leave behind his human best friend to become a Drayner Assassin. Cody knew nothing of Draven's ability to steal a person's physical attributes by touch, and the Drayner intends to keep it that way when he returns to Maryland. Remembering the innocent, flawless human he left behind, he looks forward to rekindling his relationship with his friend.

He's taken aback to find Cody a different man, and Draven is stunned by his own attraction to a harder, more brilliant kind of perfection. But getting close to the human is not easy—Draven has more secrets than ever. Like that day, all those years ago…

When he used his magic to steal from Cody.

X’s and Bios

I’ve written and rewritten this post so many times over the last few months. The drafts ranged from Dramatic Announcement to Flippant Lines to Absolutely Nonsensical. I knew what I wanted to say—just couldn’t figure out how to say it. But writing is all about drafts, so let’s give it another try:

It’s nothing big in the grand scheme of things. Just decided to use gender-neutral pronouns in my author biographies. I prefer them over “he” or “she” in reference to myself, and I complain a lot that I hardly ever see them used. I say I don’t use them because most people don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, and because there’s no standardized system for gender-neutral pronouns in America and Why does America suck so bad?!

Around then is when I realized I might be part of the problem, because if I don’t use them, then how the hell are the people around me supposed to become familiar with them?

So I’m going to use them now. In my author bios, as well as during those odd times when I think it’s a good idea to talk about myself in the third person. I don’t think it’ll change anyone else’s lives in any significant way, but it’ll change my life, and that’s what I’m going for.

Now, there is one advantage to having no standardized system for gender-neutral pronouns in America. It means I still have time to put in my vote, and I’m going with the X-set:

Xe, Xem, Xyr, Xyrs, Xemself

The “X” in these has the same sound as the “X” in xylophone.

The Sie/Hir set is probably more common, and I’ve used it online on several occasions. Using them can be an interesting study in perception because in my experience most people will assume I’ve made a typo and will correct it for me. So “Hir” is often reflected back at me as “His” or “Her” depending on the person reading it. It’s kinda cool from a sociological standpoint.

But I’m also a writer, and I’d rather not have people thinking I make that many typos. :-D

With the X-set, it’s pretty obvious that I’m deliberately spelling the words that way. Plus it fits well with “Mx.” in place of “Mr./Ms./Mrs./Miss” and I absolutely believe that “Mx.” should be an option on every form that feels it requires that sort of information. And, come on, X’s are cool.

I went through a phase (that I’m likely still going through) where I tried on all sorts of pronouns, looking for a set that fit me. I don’t mind He/She. I tend to joke that since I’m gender fluid, chances are one of those is right some of the time. The Sie/Ze/En sets made me feel more…settled. But the X set is, by far, my favorite, and it’s my bio. So, by definition, it’s all about me, yeah? ;)

If you’re interested, I’m posting the revised bio below. It's nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it's changed my life for the better.

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Born an Air Force dependent, Rowan McBride traveled the world and totally missed the 80’s as most Americans know it. In exchange, xe’s gotten to walk in clogs, break an arm at Mt. Fuji, and say prayers at a Korean Buddhist temple. So far it seems like a fair trade. Although xe graduated from high school in Hawaii, xe didn’t learn to hula and make leis until going to college in Iowa. After leaving the Midwest, xe moved to Washington, DC and very nearly got xemself a Juris Doctor degree. Now xe’s chilling out in Texas, diabolically planning road trips that could span years.

People say xyr life is random, and that’s probably true. Rowan comforts xemself with the working theory that a random life makes for good stories. When that doesn’t work, there’s Pocky. Lots and lots of Pocky.

Excerpt: Just Perfect

Excerpt: Just Perfect

Rowan McBride

Available January 18th from Torquere Press :)

Just Perfect © 2012 by Rowan McBride. All rights reserved. This story may not be reproduced in whole or in part without author's permission.

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Flagging down a taxi was easy enough. I settled him inside and climbed in after. "Cody, tell the cabbie your address."

He turned his head, his cheeks flushed with liquor. "You're coming home with me?""Yeah," I said, keeping my gaze fixed on the seat in front of me.

Cody chuckled and told the driver his address.

"What's so funny?"

"I don't know," he said, his shoulders shaking. "I just feel like laughing."

I glanced at him, taking in that smooth, flawless skin. "For a second there I didn't think you'd ever laugh around me again. Not like that."

"Back in the bar..." He rubbed at the tears forming in his eyes. "It felt like you were coming to my rescue. Like old times." He focused on me, his gaze going from playful to piercing and back again. "Silly, huh?"

I'd never seen eyes like that. "I don't think it is."

He curled his legs into the seat, tucked his arm under his head. "I think I'm drunk."

"I think you are too." But hell if it wasn't adorable.

Cody went quiet, staring at me. I tried not to squirm under the attention, but damn. He didn't say another word until we'd arrived at his apartment complex.

He fumbled for his wallet and I stayed his hand. "I've got the cash; don't worry."

His arm fell to the side. I paid the cabbie and scooped Cody into my arms, lifting him out of the taxi and surveying the complex.

Cody laughed. "This is just like when I twisted my ankle and you carried me to the nurse's office. Remember that?"

I smiled down at him, held him a little closer. "I remember you begged me to put you down the whole way there. Is that what you want now?"

"Nah." He waved his hand, like he was trying to sweep the question out of the air. "It's late. Doubt anyone'll see us this time around."

This time around. Hopefully that meant I had a second chance in more ways than one. "Where to?"

He flung his arm out and pointed to our right.

I carried him to the building and through the lobby. We rode the elevator to the seventh floor, and he threw his arm to the left.

"It's number 706," he said lightly.

When I stopped in front of his door, he wriggled his way out of my arms.

Shit, his body felt good.

Cody fumbled for his keys, managed to get the door open. I helped him inside and closed it behind us.

His knees buckled and I hooked an arm around his waist, holding him against me.

"Thanks," he said, smiling again.

The breath skittered in my chest. I'd never been dazzled by a smile before. "Any time."

"So this is my place," he said, gesturing to the studio apartment before sliding his palms up my arms. His head fell onto my shoulder. "You smell like fresh-tilled earth." He chuckled into my shirt. "Shit, I really am drunk."

My body tensed--could he smell the death around me? Was he saying I smelled like a grave?

"Hard as a rock," he murmured. "Just like I remember."

I groaned, unable to take it anymore as I tipped him backward. "Cody," I said, getting brave because he was drunk, "what kind of guys are you in to?"

He laughed and thrust his hand into my hair. "I like them tall and dark." He gave my head a hard tug. "I like them to have all the muscle I could never pack on to my own body."

My lips parted.

His gaze dipped to my mouth, and he lifted his other hand to brush a thumb against it. "Draven Donnor," he murmured, all humor draining away. "My first crush."

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Learn more about Just Perfect at www.RowanMcBride.com.

A Just Perfect Cover

There are so many horrible horrible ways to work the title of my latest novella into a sentence, and you will quite possibly see me use every single one of them eventually. For that, I apologize in advance. But there is a bright side. My brand new cover, for instance!





Snazzy, yeah? And you’ll be able to get both the cover and the story from Torquere Press on January 18th, 2012. :)

Searchin’ the Search Phrases: 2011

Every year, I go through the search phrases that resulted in a hit on my site and I pick a few of the odd/funny/kickass ones to post here. This year I made it into a contest, so if you entered be sure to scroll to the bottom to see if you won. ;)

Lots of searches for my name this year, which is a good thing. It was often misspelled, which is also a good thing for reasons I explained in the 2010 post. One was spelled so wrong (ryouen mvbraid) that I’m fully convinced that person was looking for someone else entirely. Lol.

The site got six hits with “homepage” which baffles me. How many pages do you have to scroll through to get to my place with that single word? Not five, I know that for sure. O.O

Reading the year’s list was interesting. A lot of searches for particular stories, and the interest was spread fairly even among them, which makes me glad. I figure it means I’m doing something right.

Anyway, without further ado, in no particular order, listed below are some of my favorite search phrases from 2011:

• atari muscles growth
  Whatever this game is, I want it. Bad.


• bishie vs muscle
  It seems like it’d be no contest, but don’t underestimate the power of sparkles.


• davey s destiny finished?
  *headdesk* Working on it.


• clean muscle growth fiction
  Pfft. Who wants that? {ducks from Davey's Destiny fans}


• read flow by rowan mcbride
  I absolutely agree with this. Hopefully it’ll be available again once I rewrite it and send it to my publisher...


• always wait is best so just wait i ll be right back
  Okay. I’ll just sit here quietly, then.


• rowan mcrainbow
  {gasp} Dude, I should change my name to that.


• hermione muscle growth story fiction
  No. Just... no.


• what can you do with one good hand
  Lots of stuff! Ace can totally fill you in on that.


• quotes about a good poker hand with aces
  {snerk} Dirty thoughts.


• wet suck lick moan thrust unbutton hard
  Wow, I’m a little hot under the collar just reading that search phrase. Let me know if you find the story you’re looking for. XD


• biceps sit ups sweat bastard sargent exercise novel excerpt
  That sounds hardcore. And kind of scary.


• short story about my tastes in music
  Let me know what your tastes are and I’ll see what I can do. :)


• when is rowan mcbride releasing a new book
  Pretty good chance there’ll be a new one out January 18th. :-D

And my favorite out of the non-contest entries:

• beekeeper muscle stories
  I don’t know. I just keep imagining some dude getting stung by a bee and packing on muscle so fast that he bursts right out of his beekeeper suit. Which, of course, opens him up to being stung by more bees. :)

My contest favorite?

• fucking good kick Thumper poetry

Submitted by AS.

Hilarious, right? A first page result, even. ;)

I chose it because it was so random that when I read it the first time I had to, well, read it a second time.

Congrats to AS and thank you to everyone who entered. You guys made for some interesting emails in December!

I hope your 2012 is also interesting, as well as fun and safe.

Take care,

-- Rowan

My phone is a ninja...

I could be holding the sucker in my hand only to find it gone a second later. Below are some of the places I've found it.

• In the couch


• Under the couch


• Behind the couch


• In the garage.


• Inside a Yu-Gi-Oh! sneaker


• Teetering on the brink of a hotel bedpost


• In the pantry.


• Stuck in the middle of a Jenga tower (because my brother is evil).


• On top of a pile of salt.


• In the fridge, next to the milk.


• Inside the VCR (I suspect my three year old niece had a hand in this one but I have no proof).

Let's Play With Search Engines

I want to try a little experiment.

At the end of every year I post a "Searchin' the Search Phrases" list containing my favorite key word phrases that have resulted in a hit on my site during that year. This time I'd like to make it more...interactive.

So here's the thing. Come up with a creative search phrase about me, my stories, muscle growth, etc. and type it into an engine like Google or Bing. If my site comes up (the one at www.RowanMcBride.com, not this blog), click on the link. Clicking is important--it has to actually result in a hit so I can see the genius you have wrought in my stats aggregator. Then email your phrase to mcbride_rowan@yahoo.com (mcbride_rowan at yahoo dot com) with "Search Phrase Contest" in the subject line. At the end of this month I'll post my usual list, but I'll also post my favorite fan-generated phrase.

That fan gets a free copy of the new book on release day. Which will be in mid-January. Ish.

Sound fun? Let's play.

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Edit: Forgot to mention that you can enter as many times as you want. XD